Refresh

I'm back. After a hell of time-wasting activities and a pack of graduating system that will be end in just a few days onward.

Yep, gue berada di puncak kehidupan masa pre-remaja. Buku ke-17 dari kehidupan gue udah masuk pada masa yang berbahagia dengan selamat sentosa mengantarkan rakyat.... Wait, salah. Maksud gue udah masuk masa-masa menegangkan, which is National Exams.

Gue bukannya makin giat belajar malah makin santai, semua planning yang gue udah siapin dari minggu-minggu lalu cuma jadi angan-angan belaka. Yang awalnya niat buat belajar matematika gara-gara ga pernah bisa sejak masuk SMA malah akhirnya gue duduk depan komputer dan menulis ini.

Well, sometimes there are times that you are feeling the best, you're the greatest, but sometimes you feel like you're not born from this world, you don't belong here. Itu yang gue rasakan beberapa bulan ini.

Gue sering berpikir, apa bisa gue kayak orang yang gue kagumi? Apa bisa gue berubah buat menuhin ekspektasi orang lain? Apa gue bisa lakuin hal ini? Apa gue cocok untuk ini? And those thought collided into each other and make a new statement. "What am I?"

Mencoba memutar kembali kenangan buruk yang pernah gue lakuin seumur hidup malah buat gue merasa makin pengen pergi dari dunia ini. But I know I have to go through this. Walau orang-orang masih inget perlakuan yang gue berikan semasa kecil, masa di mana gue begitu polos dan bandel, sampai gue harus terima karma saat gue akhirnya mengerti kalo apa yang gue perbuat dulu bener-bener unforgivable.

Gue tau walaupun telat, gue tetep berusaha memperbaiki kesalahan yang dulu gue lakuin. Trying to delete all the past memories won't make you or the person that hates you change. We gotta "refresh" our minds, reflect on what you did in the past, atone for all sins you've made in the past.

To the last girl I tried so much to get, that I even throw some of my hobbies and time for you, even if you don't feel guilty for what you've done to me, I still forgive you. I'll still keep some space so that when you come back, we can go back to what we are in the beginning.

Mungkin segini dulu ya.. Gue tau mungkin ini sedikit ga bermutu, but this is my blog. I still want to share all of my feelings to all my readers. Next time: at the end of National Exams! Adios~